EXCERPT - FROM I HAD NO CHOICE
He beat her. He kicked her. He tortured her. He left her for dead. And he never touched her. Her bleeding business started hemorrhaging. . . She called the bank and went through the automatic telephone account information line.
“Your current balance is negative $2,216.42. She screamed. What had he done to her? Deadly obsession for Tyrone cost Jacqueline. Everything. An eviction notice was on the door.
“Why did you take all of my money out of the bank without asking me?”
“You don’t question what I do. I am the man here. That was not your money. That was our money. You better find a job quick. A good one!”
“I lost everything. I gave it ALL TO YOU!”
“That is what you are supposed to do. You better grow up and stop blaming me. I would be less than a man to stay with you pulling me down.”
Tyrone started mutilating her mind, her self-confidence, her spirit with his cruel words.
“I can’t stand you always blaming me! You are nothing but a spoiled, mean, nasty, honery, brat. I need to just beat you like you deserve right now!”
She finally admitted the truth.
“I wish you would. It would not hurt so bad. Those scars would heal. But what you have done and continue to do to me never will. This pain will be with me for the rest of my life ”
She wanted to cry but there were no more tears left. She was not a battered woman. Battered women had been beaten and had black eyes, bloody lips, broken teeth. bruises on their bodies, broken legs and arms. She had none of these.
Battered women were poor, on welfare, drug addicts. She was none of these. She was not a battered woman.
Tyrone did not hit her. She was not a victim of domestic violence. He never put his hands on her.
Where was God?
Nobody could be stripped of so much and be expected by God, fate, life, providence or whatever it was called, to go on.
Jacqueline had a visitor that had not been around for many years. But the torture she was living was too much. He came back. He came back just for her.
‘Come spend a little time with me, Jacqueline. You know I would never do anything to hurt you.’
‘I want to be with you just for a little while.’
‘Come on baby. You will be fine. You know you need me. Nobody will treat you like I will. Nobody will love you like I will. I know exactly what you need. I am your perfect lover.’
‘Let me open my arms to drown you in sleep and pity even though you should be praying and fighting back. Just lay with me and escape for a little while. I’m holding your mind.’
‘Oh yes. You are right, This is wonderful. I don’t have to do anything!’
She did not want to leave. She was so tired of facing so much, for so long, that she needed to go for a visit. This was a good place. Her friend would never hurt her.
‘It was good that you stopped praying. God does not hear you anymore.’
‘No. God does not listen to or love me anymore. He never will again.’
‘Darling, you are not strong enough to go to work. Stay here with me. They don’t care about you. I am the only one who really loves you.’
Her pain was beyond enduring.
This was the only thing to do.
She would not have to face anybody again.
She sat on the side of the bed, picked up the glass of water, and one at a time, started taking the pills and peacefully, calmly, happily, easily and slowly, started her journey.
Never to return to this living hell.
I HAD NO CHOICE - BOOK SUMMARY
The book, based on my life, is about Jacqueline, an African-American woman who builds a successful word processing business in Detroit from nothing. She gets involved with the wrong man and allows him to convince her that she needs him more than she needs her relationships with friends, family, God and even herself. She starts paying his bills, back child support, endures verbal, emotional, increased financial and sexual abuse because she believes she deserves what she is getting. She stopped loving herself.
She takes on so much of his debt that she loses her business, gets evicted from her home, and becomes suicidal. She finds a minuscule seed of hope inside herself and consciously decides she has no choice but to leave him. She has no right to give up. Jacqueline moves back to her parents’ home, starts typing from home, builds another business and it explodes and pushes her into massive success.
But the business is not enough for her, so she gets active in public causes. She buys the abandoned train station in Detroit, secures government grants and turns it into a transition shelter, school, library and job training center for homeless families, children and battered women. She starts a program giving senior citizens a debit card as a gift to help pay for prescriptions.
She moves into politics because she is angry with the Electoral College practice. Through hard work and using her public speaking ability, Jacqueline gets the Electoral College removed from the American political system.
Jacqueline then decides with no political experience, no college degree, no law practice, to make a run for the White House and becomes the Democratic nominee for the President of the United States. The book ends on election night with the results showing and the last line is America made their choice. Of course you have to get the sequel to see if Jacqueline won.
All through the book, I talk about choices Jacqueline made and their consequences because my choices put me in the places of my suffering. I want to remind people that for every single choice there is a consequence or a reward and their choices affect everyone.
Table of Contents - I Had No Choice
Chapter 1 - It Started With
Chapter 2 - Two Bridges - One Destination
Chapter 3 - The Birth Of A Dream
Chapter 4 - The Destructive Power Of One Bad Decision
Chapter 5 - No Learning Like The Learning Of Pain
Chapter 6 - Death Would Be A Blessing
Chapter 7 - Nobody Could Survive This
Chapter 8 - School Is Over
Chapter 9 - The Power Of One Good Decision
Chapter 10 - Nobody Can Take Who I Am
Chapter 11 - She Came Back
Chapter 12 - Selective Distraction
Chapter 13 - If You Can Wait It Will Come To You
Chapter 14 - All The Way Back
Chapter 15 - A Mountain She May Never Climb
Chapter 16 - A Shift In The Road
Chapter 17 - Never Broke Stride
Chapter 18 - Preparation Is Never Lost Time
Chapter 19 - Raw Materials Into Finished Product
Chapter 20 - Progress Only Through Change
Chapter 21 - And Then
Chapter 22 - You Will Stop
Chapter 23 - What Real Men Do
Chapter 24 - Anybody But You
Chapter 25 - The Wait Is Over
Chapter 26 - The Not Like Anyone Planned
Chapter 27 - The Longest Day And Night
‘Why Did I Write This Book?”
I lived more pain and anguish than one human should because of my choices. But more than surviving, with the help of God, friends and my determination, I thrived. My fight revealed I was not alone. Many women and men are being tormented mentally, emotionally, verbally, sexually and of course physically. I want to let every woman and man reach out to a real person who was there but got out. This book is truthful because some of it happened exactly as it was written. It is fiction, because some of it is my feelings while something else was being done and what I still hope to accomplish with my life. You decide which is reality.
With absolutely nothing to work with, Jacqueline reached for the impossible. No matter who you are, where you come from, how old or young you are, what you have lost, what is working against you, you will get up, fight back and win. Shift your focus to your determination and your purpose and move forward. You Have No Choice. I still have not reached my ultimate goal, but have come much further than anyone expected. I Had No Choice.
